It was not the primary time the sophomore at a college in Hanoi endured bodily abuse. Each time her boyfriend misplaced his mood, he would launch into an offensive rant, which might generally escalate into violence.
Hoa recounted a specific dangerous combat between them on the entrance of their condominium. The dialog had barely begun when her boyfriend, a person of appreciable measurement standing 1.8 meters tall and weighing 80kg, unexpectedly elbowed her within the again.
“I used to be in a lot ache, so I tried to flee to my room. However he yanked my hair and slapped me so laborious that I obtained knocked onto the bottom,” Hoa revealed.
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Hong Hoa in her hometown, early March 2024. Picture courtesy of Hoa |
Quoc Anh has been struggling his girlfriend’s extreme jealousy. Each single day, the 16-year-old man needed to report his whereabouts and no matter he was doing to his girlfriend.
“She would give me a video name in the midst of the night time simply to confirm my location,” Anh lamented.
From the beginning of their relationship, Anh’s girlfriend had been controlling his social interactions, significantly along with his feminine associates.
She required him to offer her the passwords to all of his units, in addition to full entry to his social media accounts. The variety of Anh’s social media followers finally lowered, as his feminine associates would unfriend and even block him.
“I like my girlfriend, however I’m additionally emotionally exhausted. I’ve addressed this downside so many occasions, and she or he nonetheless doesn’t take heed to me,” he mentioned.
Hoa and Anh are each victims of relationship abuse, which is more and more prevalent these days.
In accordance with a survey performed on ladies aged 18-30 years previous within the 2014-2015 interval by the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Ladies (UN Ladies), 59% reported experiencing psychological abuse, 23% have been subjected to cyberbullying, and 24% endured post-breakup harassment and abuse.
In Vietnam, the second nationwide examine on violence towards ladies in 2019 confirmed that just about two-thirds of girls aged between 15 and 64 had skilled a minimum of one incident of abuse attributable to their husband or romantic associate.
Whereas there’s a lack of official information on male victims, La Linh Nga, Director of the Psycho-pedagogy Analysis and Utility Middle in Hanoi, emphasised that relationship abuse will not be gender-specific.
“Abuse will not be confined to bodily hurt; it might additionally take the type of verbal offense, emotional bullying, or sexual coercion, all of which result in trauma within the victims,” Nga shared.
In accordance with Dr Nguyen Thi To Quyen, Affiliate Professor on the School of Sociology and Growth, Academy of Journalism and Communication in Hanoi, younger individuals these days have extra means to fulfill new individuals and discover potential romantic companions. Nonetheless, it’s potential to finish up in poisonous relationships if individuals soar into relationships with out absolutely understanding their associate.
“Some individuals would possibly take their relationship with no consideration as a result of it’s more and more simpler to get along with somebody. This might result in bodily abuse in direction of their associate at any time when they really feel upset,” mentioned Quyen.
As well as, the professional attributed relationship abuse to egoistic points, poor impulse management, and a scarcity of social understanding.
Nga urged that folks with inherent violent tendencies usually come from troubled household backgrounds. In the meantime, victims of abuse, significantly these exhibiting codependent traits, discover it difficult to interrupt free from the cycle of harassment. Even in instances of bodily violence, victims usually forgive their abusive companions following an apology, persevering with to hope for the perpetrators to vary.
Generally, victims select to remain silent, which is pushed by disgrace and worry of societal judgment. That is particularly prevalent in instances involving sexual coercion or threats of sharing specific messages or photographs.
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Relationship abuse is more and more prevalent. Illustration photograph by Pexels |
Hoa’s ex-boyfriend is a basic instance of the cycle of abuse. Since a really younger age, he and his mom have been subjected to abusive behaviors from his father and so they usually obtained kicked out of their house at midnight.
“My ex-boyfriend instructed me that he felt very damage and lonely as a baby. But, at any time when he will get indignant, he would do precisely what his father did, regardless of understanding it was unsuitable. It’s as if he was avenging his previous,” recounted Hoa.
Hoa wished to interrupt up and reduce him off after repeated situations of bodily abuse. However each time her associate stood at her door, saying sorry and making numerous guarantees, Hoa would forgive him once more.
Anh’s girlfriend additionally had a tough childhood, marked by her father’s infidelity. When she turned 8, she was dragged by her mom right into a violent confrontation along with her father’s mistress.
“The mistress slammed my girlfriend’s head to a wall, leading to a bloody damage. That’s why she doesn’t belief males and continually fears betrayal,” recalled Anh, main him to hunt skilled assist for his or her relationship.
In accordance with Nga, victims of relationship abuse can probably undergo from despair, anxiousness, in addition to emotions of insecurity and grief.
“Victims usually really feel horrible about their state of affairs, resulting in self-doubt. Over time, this may end up in a lack of self-worth and social isolation,” the professional defined.
In accordance with the identical aforementioned examine by UN Ladies, 21% of contributors reported experiencing emotional or bodily hurt on account of abuse, with over 6% confessing to having suicidal ideas after the traumatic expertise.
Hoa used to ponder suicide. She tried to chop ties with the abusive boyfriend, however he would apologize and beg her to remain. After which after seeing Hoa’s willpower to interrupt up, he resorted to blackmailing her, threatening to ship specific movies of them to her family and friends earlier than importing them on social media.
Hoa was too frightened to depart the home or inform anybody. She confined herself to her room for days, ready for the bruises on her physique to heal.
Nga cautioned concerning the extreme long-term penalties of tolerating an abusive relationship.
“Staying with an abusive associate can by no means result in happiness, to not point out the dangerous results on future generations,” Nga remarked.
Even after escaping an abusive relationship, abuse victims usually battle to kind new relationships as a result of deep-seated fears and emotional scars.
Dr To Quyen suggested younger adults to totally perceive their potential romantic associate, together with their household background, character, and work, earlier than committing to any relationship.
“This course of can take very lengthy. Younger individuals ought to keep away from dashing into relationships as this could result in hostile outcomes,” mentioned the professional.
Nga additional emphasised the significance of clear communication in a relationship, particularly when one associate reveals abusive behaviors. She urged documenting ideas proper after the occasion, and having a candid dialogue as soon as each events have calmed down. In some instances, involving an individual who has affect on the abuser may also help curb their abusive tendencies.
“Forgiveness may be prolonged a few times. But when the abuse is recurring, you need to go away,” Nga concluded.
Hoa has now efficiently exited the poisonous relationship after discovering the braveness to inform her mother and father.
“My mother and father instructed me at any time when he threatened to launch specific movies, I ought to threaten to name the police. I listened to them, and haven’t met him ever since. What I assumed was so difficult turned out to have a quite simple answer,” mentioned Hoa, who added that she was now in a contented and wholesome relationship.
*Names have been modified for privateness