Within the settlement, the 32-year-old civil servant working in Ho Chi Minh Metropolis outlined some main phrases, together with having kids, monetary obligations, inheritance rights, the duty to care for fogeys and youngsters in emergencies, in addition to dividing housekeeping and tasks to assist one another throughout troublesome instances.
When it comes to funds, she listed objects that have to be shared, equivalent to every day dwelling bills, debt funds, caring for fogeys (if vital), insurance coverage, funding, private growth, and journey. Thuy Vi, whereas itemizing her situations, wished to put 80% of her and her future husband’s earnings into a standard fund to cowl all of the aforementioned bills. The housekeeping would even be shared between the 2.
Thuy Vi believed it will even be essential to agree on the variety of kids to have and, within the occasion of infertility, whether or not to undertake or not.
Moreover, in line with the settlement, she and her future husband would additionally disclose all their plans, together with monetary plans, investments, financial savings, and any short- or long-term objectives. If considered one of them sadly died, the opposite wouldn’t intervene with belongings acquired previous to their marriage. All of their remaining belongings could be divided in accordance with the legislation. Her mother and father would obtain extra help as a result of they didn’t have a pension.
Not solely that, Thuy Vi’s “prenuptial settlement” included seemingly minor particulars like not arguing in entrance of others, particularly their kids. Throughout arguments, they have to not change how they deal with one another. If one have been to boost their voice, the opposite ought to maintain again and anticipate them to relax earlier than persevering with their dialog.
In 2021, Thuy Vi started relationship Anh Huy, who was a 12 months her senior and labored within the banking business. He met the entire standards she had set. When discussing getting married, she introduced the prenuptial settlement into the dialogue. “After a dialog we finalized the phrases,” she stated.
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Thuy Vi and her husband Anh Huy on a visit to Phu Quoc, 2021. Picture courtesy of Vi Vi |
In 2019, My Linh (dwelling in Lam Dong) spent a day negotiating a “prenuptial settlement” earlier than transferring in with an American man named William.
She requested her husband if they might stay along with his mother and father, and in that case, what guidelines would have to be established. Once they moved to America, he could be the one to offer monetary help if she hadn’t discovered work but, and in that case, who could be in command of spending?
“We additionally agreed upfront that I might keep at house and be a housewife whereas he went to work, so he was not allowed to complain about it,” My Linh went on to say.
William agreed to stay along with his spouse and “pay” her to do the housekeeping. My Linh would then have the ability to ship the cash to her household or spend it nevertheless she needed. When spending a big sum, the couple would want to debate the matter with one another earlier than coming to an settlement.
They agreed to stay collectively for 2 years earlier than deciding to have kids in order that they may higher perceive one another. “I might not transfer to America till we’d reached an settlement. It helped us really feel safe and perceive our tasks and obligations in our marriage,” she defined.
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My Linh at a restaurant within the U.S., March 2022. Picture courtesy of Linda |
There aren’t any complete statistics overlaying such points, however Nguyen Thi Tam, a Ho Chi Minh Metropolis skilled with almost 20 years of expertise in marriage and household planning, believes that signing agreements, together with “prenuptial agreements,” is turning into extra frequent amongst Vietnamese youth because of the affect of Western existence.
Based on a 2022 Harris Ballot, 15% of American adults have signed a prenuptial settlement, a rise of 12% since 2010. 35% of people who find themselves not married say they plan to rearrange for an settlement sooner or later.
“Right this moment, younger folks marry late, leading to a considerable amount of non-public property [having been already accumulated on both sides]. Some individuals who remarry or marry foreigners need every thing to be clear from the beginning,” Tam stated, including that this helps {couples} equivalent to Thuy Vi and her husband obtain equity in marriage by discussing not solely property rights but in addition different points related to the connection.
Some 54% of almost 700 readers polled by VnExpress agreed {that a} prenuptial settlement is critical to ascertain guidelines and make clear tasks, rights, and obligations to attain marital equality.
Dr. Tran Tuyet Anh, Director of the Household Division on the Ministry of Tradition, Sports activities, and Tourism, praised {couples} who’re ready for marriage in the way in which that Thuy Vi and My Linh have been. The Household Division remains to be implementing a Vietnamese household growth technique, with considered one of two duties being to create a public service mannequin that teaches women and men methods to construct a contented household earlier than their marriages.
Based on Dr. Anh, younger folks right this moment are extra cautious and educated about marriage, however many are nonetheless unprepared. Household-building points might be delicate and troublesome to debate, and fogeys could not know methods to talk about such issues with their kids. Colleges and academic establishments have additionally been unable to orient pupils on this route, leaving it as much as households.
“As a result of lack of preparation, typically {couples} simply get married one 12 months and get divorced the following,” stated Dr. Anh.
Dr. Tuyet Anh’s viewpoint was bolstered by a courtroom report, which said that Vietnam has 600,000 divorce instances per 12 months on common, of which 70% contain younger households aged 18 to 30, and 60% divorced after 1 to five years of dwelling collectively. Based on knowledge from the Institute of Household and Gender Analysis, life-style conflicts are the main explanation for marital disaster, accounting for almost 28%.
Previous to her present happiness, Thuy Vi had a wedding that ended after three years on account of an absence of preparation. She said that in her earlier marriage, she was solely liable for dwelling bills, whereas her husband spent cash on investments. He went out consuming from the morning till late at evening, whereas Thuy Vi went to work and waited for her husband to return house. The 2 traveled a whole lot of kilometers on the highway however solely communicated a handful of instances.
“We did not perceive one another and did not set marital rules from the start, so we have been confused about marriage, resulting in the breakup,” she stated. Thuy Vi’s ache and friction on this relationship helped her understand the significance of building a prenuptial settlement from the beginning.
Nevertheless, psychologist Nguyen Thi Tam said {that a} prenuptial settlement carries dangers as a result of when an individual falls in love, they will simply settle for all of their associate’s supplied phrases – nevertheless, upon dwelling collectively, they could violate the settlement as a result of they not respect their associate.
If the principles of the wedding are a part of only a easy settlement with out a signed authorized doc, this can be very troublesome to regulate, Tam stated.
“Subsequently, earlier than beginning a romantic relationship, it is essential to totally perceive each side of the opposite particular person to ensure they respect the settlement,” Tam suggested.
Thuy Vi and My Linh each did precisely that.
Thuy Vi outlined a listing of standards for her “Mr. Proper” earlier than relationship, which included look, persona, well being, geographical location, worldview, intercourse, surrounding relationships, and the way he behaves along with his lover.
She additionally admitted that, regardless of cautious planning, there are nonetheless unpredictable occasions in marriage that trigger disagreements.
To take care of her happiness, My Linh selected to replicate on her marriage every year, whereas Thuy Vi has stored the phrases of their settlement updated.
“Many individuals say getting married is like playing, however playing is a sport of probability. When you suppose selecting a husband is solely primarily based on luck, it is since you’re not educated sufficient,” Thuy Vi shared.